This article may come some way too explaining why I have posted as frequently lately too. So lately I’ve been going through a rather tough time. Some stuff has come up from my past connected to my present, and I’ve realised that I’d probably benefit from some counselling. I mean aside from having ADHD which means my brain keeps whirling at an ultra fast level, I also seem to have a brain that automatically goes to guilt mode for a lot of issues.
Don’t ask me why, but I feel guilty about everything; my ADHD, my parenting, every friendship, or relationship I’ve been in. Doesn’t matter if I did my best, had the best intentions or it clearly wasn’t’ my fault. I just seem to be really hard on myself and tend to lean more towards the negative. I know it’s not logical and it’s not stupid, but I can’t help the way I feel.
It’s recently occurred to me that for far too long, I’ve been using food as a means of masking my emotions. Now I know I won’t be the first person to do this, let alone the first ADHDer, but I’m dieting at the moment because I seriously need to lose some weight. Unfortunately, this means that the first time I’m having to deal with some serious stuff instead of just eating my troubles away.
The problem with eating your feelings away is the bigger your feelings, the bigger your appetite and then it’s a never-ending cycle of getting bigger and bigger until you develop serious health issues. In my case the issue I had was really bad acid reflux which can happen when your stomach gets too big and it starts pressing on your diaphragm so I knew it was time to do something.
As for counselling, I had a really negative experience of it about ten years ago that I didn’t realise was negative at the time. I was talking to her about some personal family stuff, and she just basically sat there saying and how does that make you feel or I’m just wondering if you are thinking this? Many years later after making friends with the counselling team at the college I was teaching I, I realise how bad it was. A councillor is supposed to lead you to personal revelation and empower you by pointing you in the right direction, not telling you outright things you’re doing wrong or how you are feeling.
However, I am aware that counselling in itself can be a really good thing. We as an ADHDers should not be ashamed of asking for help or seeking further support for oourselves, which is why I have no problem sharing all this with you. I have a brain that operates at a really fast level which obviously can lead to more stress and anxiety. That combined with other issues can be a breaking point, but I’m determined to be the best person I can be whatever it takes.
Till next time ADHDers!
