âDonât be like that, do you want to be like Rachael? Everybody thinks sheâs Ditsy!â is something thatâs probably said by a mean high school bully right? Or maybe someone who doesnât like you very much youâd think? Would you believe me if these were words my very first boss said to one of my colleagues??
Now before you feel sad for me, this all happened a very long time agoâŚin fact it was eighteen whole years agoâŚwow when did I suddenly get old? Oh wait I was trying to make a point!! Anyway the other day I was scrolling through my personal social media memories and quite a few of my old colleagues popped up and this got me thinking of the very first job I had.
Let me give you a little bit of context hereâŚ.i was 17 years old, Iâd stumbled through high school and earnt only two qualificationsâŚ(big surprise they were both in English!) and Iâd absolutely hated the whole year Iâd spent in college, where what I thought would be the more mature yet exciting learning I craved turned out to be just another extension of high school, and my life experience was somewhat very limited. Also, did I mention Iâm a natural blonde? I donât say that to imply anything about blondes in general, but it definitely was another reason for people to mock me.
“Being seventeen is hard enough without having everybody think you’re ditsy and weird!
ADHD gIRL
The interview I had was quite an informal one, my future boss came across as lovely warm person and I was told after an impressive practical trial (if I donât say so myself) that Iâd got the job of working in a private day nursery. Fortunately, I was 100% prepared for working and dealing with children. Unfortunately, I still sucked at that little thing called life. My common sense was lacking, my colleagues found me amusing and things had to be explained to me more than once several times.
Looking back I feel sorry for that girl, she was so wrapped up in what other people thought of her, so thirsty to prove herself and so utterly insecure about everything that I actually wonder how she managed daily life. There was no way she could ever have been everything she thought she ought to be at that point. She was also incredibly naive and found it hard to read people. That meant I couldnât tell if people were being genuine or fake. Looking back I can definitely tell that now.
My boss, well it was a very difficult dynamic to define. Weâd occasionally go on nights out together with or two other people from work and weâd have fun. Then some days in work sheâd drag me into her office and say that parents all thought I was ditsy and try harder. The problem was I couldnât try harder or be letâs ditsy because I had a little thing called ADHD and did I mention I lacked life experience.
“Wanting to conform and being able to are very different things where ADHD is concerned!!”
ADHD gIRL
Donât get me wrong my first job wasnât all bad, I have some fond memories from it, there were some nice people who worked there and I definitely wouldnât be where I am today without it. However, that job will always be the reason why at 21 I dyed my hair brown and while Iâll never ever go back.
I associate the blonde with that ditsy insecure unsupported lonely 17 year old girl and Iâm just not that person anymore and I have no intention of being ever again.
Oh and to anyone whoâs ever called me stupid, ditsy or thought I couldnât doâŚ.screw youâŚI got my degree and proved you all wrongâŚmore importantly, I proved to that seventeen year old me that I can kick assâŚwith or without other peopleâs permission!!
Stay strong ADHDers no matter what your hair colour is!!
