For most of us we only see one number two on the clock each day, because at 2am most of us are sound asleep in our beds, unfortunately for one mum, that’s when her daily struggle usually begins.
Gemma has two children with neurodivergent conditions needing different levels of support. Her youngest is diagnosed with ADHD and on the pathway for ASD, and this means that her behaviours can be overwhelming and frustrating to manage. The biggest impact tends to be the fact that she doesn’t sleep very often or much.
“Some nights melatonin will help her to fall asleep, usually around 9pm after taking it at around 7:45pm but then can be awake anytime between 2am and 6am. Other nights she won’t fall asleep until around 1am if at all. Some nights she will sleep from 9pm until around 7am but that is very rare.”
” I realised when she was two years old, everyone said it was simply the terrible twos, but I knew it was something more.”
Tragically, Gemma’s fiancé passed away from a medical condition when she was pregnant with their youngest, making her a single parent to two young children. Despite a strong support network, the ability to function on a day to day basis must be incredibly difficult.
“I really struggle to fall asleep, I think my body clock is just all over the place. It can make me feel physically, mentally and emotionally drained sometimes. Some days I find I have no motivation for anything other than the bare minimum, other days I manage to just power through.”
For most children, a lot of parents realise their child is neurodivergent when they start school, but for Gemma that realisation came much earlier.
“I realised when she was around 2 years old, I had always worked with children since completing my childcare qualification and just knew there was something underlying. People used to tell me her behaviours were simply “terrible two’s” or “that’s girls for you” but I just knew it was more. The sleeping issues have always been there but it was a range of behaviour, sleep and the impulsiveness and no fear that made me realise.”
Education can be a huge challenge for many neurodivergent children and Gemma talks about the impact her daughter’s ADHD has on her schooling.
“My daughter really struggles going into school. Every Sunday night/first night after school holidays is a battle and every Monday morning is bad too. Most mornings I have to battle to get her to school, it is becoming really hard work for both myself and my daughter. Once she is in school she settles and is doing well academically but her attendance is low which will eventually affect her learning.”
“Sleep is not something that is talked about enough when it comes to ADHD, especially for parents of ADHDer.”
As many neurodivergent children’s parents will know that the right school can make all the difference, not only in the support they provide the child but also in the support that’s given to the parent too. Gemma explains what help the school has been so far and what other professionals are involved.
“ School are currently giving until 10am to get her to school before she is marked as unauthorised late and have set up a reward-based system to encourage her to get to school before the first lesson starts. As a family we are currently receiving support through Early help which is really helping and both children are awaiting appointments with St Joseph’s (A family centre that offers support services such as counselling etc.).”
Knowing that most adults need at least 7 hours a night and for children it’s even more, it’s hard to imagine that Gemma’s daughter functions so well on as little as two- three hours of sleep a night especially for so many nights in a row but Gemma explains that this has become her daughter’s norm.
“I feel she has learned to cope with very little sleep but when she has had more than 2 or 3 bad nights on a run she is definitely more emotional and irrational.”
“ADHD is hard enough to manage from a behavioural persepctive but on little sleep, well it seems like it would be near impossible.”
As the saying goes sometimes it takes a village to raise a child and Gemma’s ability to function must heavily rely on a good support network, because most individuals would break under that kind of pressure.
“I do have a good support network, my parents help out a lot, the children’s dads mum helps out and my brothers do too when they can. I have some really good friends who are always there to help when needed.”
Gemma’s story is a reminder of the harsh reality of raising a child with ADHD, especially in a world that still lacks understanding. While headlines debate if the condition is over diagnosed or if it even exists entirely, for people like Gemma they know all too well the real truth behind the debates.
