The below blog article is written by Rianne who appeared on our Podcast episode ADHD and Trauma. Unfortunately, as with most podcast episodes I never managed to get through all the questions no matter how hard I try, because the conversation becomes interesting and immersive. That being said I’m incredibly grateful Rianne reached out to share further parts of her story as I think it details a beautiful journey of pain, awareness and healing.
There were a few things in my recent podcast guest appearance that I really wanted to say but didn’t quite get to due to time. I was sent some preparation questions by our fabulous host to give me an idea of what I could be asked. I think I managed to get probably half of what I wanted to share out there, and I didn’t want to leave any questions unanswered. I didn’t want what seemed like such pivotal parts of my journey and, I’m assuming, the journey of others, to go unspoken and for those things that could be a turning point in someone’s life to go unheard.
In preparation for the podcast, I really had to think about the message that I wanted to portray. I wanted to feel relatable, for people to feel seen, heard and validated like I did when I first came across that article. So I hope this answers any questions that may be swirling in your mind after listening. I hope that someone reads this, listens to the podcast and sees there is hope, there is potential for recovery and there are people who will help you get there.
The first question I wanted to answer was;
Looking back, do you think your ADHD made you more vulnerable to experiencing trauma or struggling with its aftermath?
“One hundred percent.
Many neurodivergent people experience a lifetime of chronic rejection, masking, bullying and gaslighting, simply for presenting differently than what society calls ‘the norm.’ We have to navigate all the standard challenges of life, but with this heavy, extra layer of doing it in a world that just wasn’t designed for us.
I like to describe it as being gluten in a gluten-free world. To a lot of people, we are viewed as intolerable or indigestible. We make people uncomfortable or feel uneasy just by existing a little differently than they’re used to.
And because the human brain develops well into our mid-twenties, the beliefs we form in childhood become our foundation. When your early life is shaped by chronic judgement, trauma and rejection, that becomes your baseline for what relationships, work and friendships look like. They shape our expectations of what all of our interactions will be and how to navigate them.
As adults, we then unconsciously gravitate towards those familiar, chaotic dynamics. It’s not because we want to be harmed or intentionally cause ourselves repeated trauma. It is because the traumatised brain seeks what is familiar and predictable over what is safe. We only know how to survive in the chaos.
Peace actually feels alien, unsafe and uncomfortable to a nervous system wired for survival. That pattern drastically increases the risk of repeated trauma, especially for neurodivergent people who have been misunderstood and invalidated their entire lives.”
The second was…
What coping strategies, treatments, or supports have been most helpful for managing both ADHD and PTSD?
Medication has been a real journey of trial and error, but now that I’ve settled on the right dose, I honestly couldn’t go back. It gives me the baseline function I need.
Alongside that, I am eleven weeks into a course of DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy). While it wasn’t built exclusively for trauma, it is considered a gold standard for stabilising complex PTSD. It focuses on distress tolerance, emotional regulation, interpersonal effectiveness skills and mindfulness. It is retraining my brain and nervous system and is building a solid foundation so that I can eventually move on to deeper trauma-processing work, like EMDR.
I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn, but I am already seeing changes in my thoughts and behaviours. I am slowly discovering who I am beneath the labels and the trauma, what I want from my life, what I value most in this world and I’m slowly starting to build a new life for myself that is authentically mine. For the first time in a very long time, I’m starting to feel proud of myself.
“It only takes one moment, in one day, to make one change that sets the ball in motion.”
Rianne
And the last two, and arguably the most important questions in all of this…
For someone listening who suspects they may be dealing with both ADHD and trauma, what advice would you give them?
I feel like I’m in no position to give advice. I feel very lucky on that one particular day and I saw the right professional. On reflection, had I discharged myself, had I not gone to that appointment, had I been successful in giving up on life before that moment, I wouldn’t be here today, sitting talking to you now (or writing this).
So I guess that is my advice. I know how soul-destroying it is to be invalidated, ignored and sent in circles, but no matter how dark the days are, no matter how many doors are closed in your face or how bleak the outlook may seem at that time, it only takes one moment, in one day, to make one change that sets the ball in motion. If or when that happens, no one knows, but what if you give up today and the change was coming tomorrow?
Don’t take it one day at a time, or even one hour at a time. Just take it one minute at a time, just one step at a time. Focus on getting to that next step in front of you. Nothing else matters. Keep doing that, and you’ll keep moving forward.
Lastly, what’s one thing that gives you hope or helps you keep moving forward despite the challenges you’ve faced?
There isn’t just one thing! I’m starting to see so many reasons to keep putting one foot in front of the other and trying not to look back.
All of the amazing people that I have met along the way and the people who have supported me through the most difficult times, especially since starting this recovery journey a few months ago.
People who dedicate their time and energy and who go out of their way to show that there’s still so much good in the world.
“I’m honestly looking forward to living a life that’s no longer ruled by trauma but that can safely coexist beside it.”
To know that, while recovery takes time, with the right therapies and support, the right medication and dose, a lot of hard work, reflection and willingness, by surrounding myself with people who share my values and beliefs and by pushing myself to have new positive experiences, I can process the trauma that I’m carrying and learn to cope with its effects.
That I can look forward to having healthy relationships, developing close friendships, getting back into meaningful and fulfilling work and have fun discovering who I really am beneath all of this. I’m honestly looking forward to living a life that’s no longer ruled by trauma but that can safely coexist beside it. That’s a far cry from where I’ve been living for the past 33 years and I honestly, even though it’s still in the future and I’m only catching a glimpse of it now, never thought I’d see the day.
Thank you so much to Rianne for sharing her insightful and inspiring journey. Meanwhile the ADHD and Me Blog will be taking a break in the month of August due to a trip to Florida and taking some time to rest/ recover. We will be back though on the 3rd September. Meanwhile feel free to check out other resources including our new online course.
