One of the most frustrating parts of having ADHD is the not knowing! Ok, hear me out, our brain has so many connections then it can see lots of different possible outcomes. I’ve talked about this before in terms of watching a movie, but I don’t think I’ve never talked about it in the context of bigger more pressing things.
I’ve been dealing with a difficult set of family circumstances lately, which to protect my families privacy I won’t go on into. Let’s just say it involves a serious medical condition, a lot of tests and a big, long wait before we find out anything further. Something which my ADHD brain has not enjoyed trying to cope with.
My mum has always raised me to be quite practical minded, which is rather hilarious when combined with the fact that I’m naturally a bit of a dreamer. Maybe it’s not hilarious actually, maybe it’s been a great tool for life. I have big dreams, but I can also plan stuff out quite well due to the realist element of being practically minded. The trouble is realist plus numerous possible difficult outcomes doesn’t bode well at all; in fact it’s a never-ending pain which leads to a lot of panic and anxiety. Of course, I think everyone gets stressed when faced with difficult medical circumstances so I can’t tell you for certain whether it’s just a normal part of the process or made worst due to having ADHD. I only have the experience of being in my own head and nobody else’s.
The thing is I know many people say ignorance is bliss but given the choice I’d rather be equipped with all the information I need so I can plan for what happens next instead of trying to plan for every probability because that gets far too overwhelming. Sadly in this circumstance it’s really not possible and the choice is out of my hands, so I suppose I’ll just have to make do and be kind to myself. I suppose that’s all really any of us can do when faced with the unknown.
The good news is I have a lot of great people around me. It’s in times like this that you find out who is just along for the ride and who is prepared to go the extra mile. I’m pleased to say I chose my friends well. I don’t have a lot of them, but the few I do have are amazing.
My faith is also proving to be crucial during this time too. I know many people don’t believe in a higher power or have another belief system which is fine, but I’m doing lots of praying and meditating on scripture during this time. The very cornerstone of my faith is actually about leaning not on your understanding and trusting that all will be well regardless of the circumstances. So, this time allows for that challenge.
So if I don’t update for a few weeks, I hope all you ADHDers understand that I’ve not given up or forgot you, I’m just giving myself space and love. Regardless of what happens; be assured in the knowledge I will be back!!