Well ADHDers and Allies the first glimpse of Spring has finally sprung and I couldn’t be happy. Literally my Seasonal Affective Disorder has finally come to an end, and I can think a lot better than I could before. I mean I’ll never be the world’s best thinker due to the whole ADHD think but I’ll take what I can get.
Today, I want to talk to you about shame because it’s something that a lot of ADHDers carry with us! Why? Well because we live in a society that is based around neurotypical expectations that we may not be able to reach and that pretty much makes us feel like failures when we can’t reach them. Then when something triggers as adults, we tend to go straight for the shame spiral, even when things may not necessarily be our fault or within our control.
“For many people shame is a very unhelpful emotion that can cause all sorts of problems.”
ADHD Girl
The question is how do we break that cycle of heading for the shame spiral? Most of the time, it’s been ingrained into us from a pretty young age but that doesn’t mean we have to learn to live with, in fact the thing we need to do is learn to live without it, but it’s easier said than done.
They key to almost all of it is firstly recognising that shame does not belong to you as a person, it belongs collective to all those people who made you feel like you couldn’t do something you found difficult. It belongs to the people who gave you unrealistic expectations without considering whether you can meet them. It belongs to the people who showed you no consideration or empathy and let me be clear; you do deserve empathy because you are a human being, who despite any flaws you think you may have, is worthy of love.
“A lot of people who carry toxic shame are people who have been made to think they are unworthy of love.”
ADHD gIRL
So next time you find yourself heading down the shame spiral make sure you check yourself by asking some very simple questions: –
- Does this shame belong to me or is it just something I’m gravitating towards by default?
- Is this shame helpful to me fixing the problem or being a better person? Usually, the answer is always no!
- What can I do to show myself that I care about myself and am worthy of love? Because as the great Whitney Houston sang ‘The Greatest love of all is learning to love yourself’, ADHD and all.
Take care ADHDers and allies! Good luck on conquering that shame spiral and I’ll catch you in two weeks!
