‘My children aren’t as bad!” is something I overheard said about me once and you’d think that comment would have come from a parent or even a colleague, but no ladies and gentlemen that comment came from a former teacher of mine at a university. To this day I’m not sure she knows I overheard what was said, but she possibly might if she reads this, so I want to explain why she, and other teachers, need to teach with a little more empathy.
The university course I was doing was way out of my comfort zone, for it demanded some skills I lacked and a confidence that at the time I didn’t really have, but the passion I had to make a difference encouraged me to ignore those two minor details.
“It’s unusual to hear teachers saying things like that, but a lot of them still think these things.”
ADHD GIRL
On this particular course, I had two main teachers and one guest teacher. One of the main teachers was inspiring in their approach to teaching and seemed likeable enough, though I would argue they lacked some people skills. The other main teacher wasn’t more old fashioned in their approach to teaching but came across as really caring in her demeanour.
The guest teacher? well I remember one thing he said to me that’s both laughable and poignant at the same time. He said “Rachael if you could take your second impression and make it your first impression, you’d be amazing. You do yourself a disservice with your first impression.” Well thanks for that pal, I’ll just be myself as soon as possible in the future. If anyone actually figures out how to overcome their awkwardness to make a good first impression, you’ll let me know won’t you?
“I’m guessing everybody wants to make a great first impression, but the saying ‘you can’t please everybody’ springs to mind.”
ADHD GIRL
The main teacher who I said was inspiring in their approach seemed quite tolerant of me and my uniqueness at first. Yet towards the end of the course, I could tell her patience with me was waning. On the day I was meant to hand in my coursework portfolio I went to both my main teachers and said I was really struggling with certain aspects of it. The caring teacher said I could sit in her office and do it, then she would be there to support if needs be. It was actually this teacher that made me realise I suffer from seasonal affective disorder and sent me an email response stating ‘dear overthinker’ Something which still makes me smile all these years later.
When the caring one left, I was checking in with the other main teacher across the hall, just because yes, I was out of my comfort zone, and I did need more reassurance than an average student…I’m not neurotypical remember? However, while I was working across the hall from the other lecturer, I heard someone go into the office and I heard her make certain comments. Now I can’t tell you what those comments beforehand were because I genuinely don’t remember. All I can tell is I know without a doubt it was me they were talking about and then I heard the teacher say, “it’s very needy, my own children aren’t as bad.” And in that one single moment my entire perspective of her changed, she was no longer the inspiring teacher who had supported me in achieving my goal, she was this unprofessional teacher who was one thing to my face and another behind my back.
“One unkind comment can change someone’s entire perspective of you and also about themself. I was luckily an adult by this point, and not a child. Children sometimes don’t understand some things aren’t their fault.”
ADHD GIRL
The most inspiring teacher I remember was in year one of primary school, it wasn’t particularly one thing she said, but it was the way she was. I could tell she was putting in effort so that I felt included. That she didn’t just see me as a naughty child, but as someone who was worth putting her time and energy into.
So for any teachers reading this out there, then yes your students will always remember how you made them feel and sometimes even the things you say, so please make sure even if you don’t have the best intentions that your student is never made to feel like anything less because of you. You are in a position of empowerment and how you treat them can make all the difference.
It’s a shame really, as overall my university experience was a hugely good one filled with inspiring teachers and happy memories. It was a place where I could finally learn in a way that I wanted but to this one teacher who made that comment I say this ‘My other teachers weren’t as bad’.
Catch you next week ADHDers and allies. Also, remember just because you struggle with something or need more reaurance, it doesn’t mean you are anything less.
