So after a few sessions with my therapist, I realised that my writing is so interlinked with my emotional well-being. I mean I kind of always knew it deep down, but it’s amazing the stuff that comes out when you are supposed to be writing a work of fiction. It’s rather like acting, that everything becomes a self-portrait; no matter how hard you try. It’s almost like my subconscious has already worked out what I’m thinking or feeling before I do and it comes out in the voices and actions of my characters.
I’ve spoke before about how ADHD can be emotionally overwhelming. Things that many people find simple to do lead us to state of deep frustration when we realise it doesn’t quite come as easily to us. Some days I just want to lie down in a dark room and watch the world go by, I mean I think a lot of people get like that from time to time, but for me and other ADHDers, I suspect it happens more frequently.
“Everybody has a story and we should take the time to learn each others because then there would be a lot more healing in the world.”
ADHD Girl
Through my role as a foster parent, I’ve recently been doing a lot of work and training around attachment and trauma, which is actually very linked to over all wellbeing. It’s been really eye opening on a professional and personal level. For example, has anyone heard of a guy called Gabor Mate? He’s an expert in trauma and he also have ADHD too. What’s really interesting is that he suggests ADHD develops as a result of inadequate brain development in response to lack of attachment.
When I first heard him talking about, I must admit, I thought it sounded very hippy-ish. He talks about that a lot of diseases, illness ect. are a result of trauma around the attachment process. Of course, his opinion and theory is just one of many, but I really admire his work on trauma. He takes such a compassionate approach to it. For example, he states that when looking at people in the prison system, we shouldn’t just ask what have you done; we should also be asking what has happened to you to make you do this.
“Many people think ADHD is heridetary, but Gabor Mate says it’s caused by trauma during brain development.”
ADHD gIRL
Wouldn’t it be great if people took a more compassionate approach to ADHD. Perhaps not in the same way, but instead of looking at ‘why are you like this’ perhaps we could move to a ‘how can help this’ approach. Once you understand how easy it is to experience trauma, you start to realise that we’re all just living in a world of great pretenders. Half of us are processing and dealing with our pain and the other half refuse to acknowledge it. Doesn’t that remind you of ADHD?? So many people still think it doesn’t exist, the only ones of us who know for sure are those who have seen it or lived it first-hand.
Those who grow up with ADHD, will already have experienced some form of trauma, it’s almost guaranteed. We usually feel unloved due to being so different, depressed due to our inability to live up to others’ expectations and have more energy than we know what to do with, which usually ends up pulling us into some form of trouble. Even if Gabor Mate is right and ADHD is caused by trauma at a very young age, we can all relate to the trauma of having ADHD and being labelled as being ‘the naughty disruptive child’ or ‘the one who just won’t get on with it’
“Compassion is defintley a key factor lacking in society, because it’s much easier to accept that somebody is simply a label such as ‘monster’ or ‘bad’ than it is to look deeper and asks questions.”
ADHD gIRL
In a world that’s so full of trauma and misunderstandings, I am incredibly grateful that I have writing as my emotional crutch. I could have chosen a million other more unhealthier routes such as illegal drugs or alcohol. I think so many people don’t realise how easy it is to go from being ok to suddenly being homeless or addicted to drugs. My point is we definitely need more compassion in the world; for trauma, for ADHD and for everything else that’s hard to live with. It’s only with compassionate can their be healing. Sadly, we live in a busy world where people don’t have time for compassion or see it as a hinderance to their success.
That’s why the compassion must begin with us, we need to start seeing each other as human beings who yes struggle but who are also amazingly resilient in so many different ways. If we do, maybe the rest of the world will follow suit. Every great revolution has to start with a few people, why not us? To end this blog article I’ll leave you with one of my favourite quotes ; “You are allowed to be a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously!”
