So I touched on this subject last week slightly when I was giving you all an update from my holiday , but now my heads in a better place and I’m over the worst of the holiday blues I thought it would be good to explore it in slightly more detail so here goes…
It’s often said that people with ADHD have no sense of personal boundaries, particularly children with ADHD who will literally speak to strangers, sit on random people’s laps, and don’t give their parents any alone time what so ever.
“Lack of personal space can really affect somebody’s overall well-being.”
ADHD gIRL
I often feel personal boundaries are confusing for us though because body language and social conventoons are subjective which makes them difficult to understand (most ADHDers before black and white structure to work with). I mean there does seem to be a vague consensus on some dos or don’ts though, for example, do say hi to someone you’ve just met and don’t go in for a hug if they’re not feeling it too. Facial expressions tend to be easier, I mean I know that a frown usually means sad and a smile usually means happy. However, beyond that they also get confusing which is probably one of the reasons I prefer direct communication. Either tell me what you mean or don’t blame me if I don’t get the message.
The lack of knowledge of body language combined with the unwritten rules of social interaction are just one of the many reasons why people with ADHD aren’t good at giving people personal space and I’m not just talking physically, I’m talking emotionally too. We can be pretty full on when we are excited or trying to share every single thought in our head.
“In some ways we have to better at caring for ourselves because nobody else gets what it’s like to have ADHD except us.”
ADHD GIRL
My friend’s son has ADHD and he’s constantly in her space demanding attention, talking non-stop and generally never stops. Obviously that’s all children to a certain extent but with ADHD it’s a lot more extreme and it means my friend is constantly emotionally exhausted.
As hard as giving people personal space is us for us ADHD because lets face it we get overexcited sometimes and want too to share our whole world with everybody, it’s actually so important that we give ourselves personal space as well. If anything sharing a bedroom for three weeks in Disney world with three other people including two children has taught me that.
“I always feel like a lot more problems in this world would be solved by open and honest convesation that comes from a place of support.”
ADHD Girl
Having ADHD is exhausting on every level because we’re constantly over-doing it or under-doing it, then there is the added complex of all the feelings that get mixed up around that which is sense of failure, being left out, feeling burnout. Sometimes we have to give ourselves time to recover from the world and everything in. Recovering for each person isn’t going to look the same; mine for example can involve reading, going to the spa, or just staring into space. So many people, ADHD or not, are not great at being alone but that’s the time we really get to know who we are and what we’re about.
That’s one of the reasons why parenting with ADHD is so dang hard because personal space is not something that kids, particularly young kids understand but hey-ho were all just trying to survive in this crazy world. The only thing we can do is find things that make it more manageable and kinder. Till next time ADHDers and ADHD allies, I’m off to work on me upcoming blog.
